So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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