i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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