So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
