forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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