On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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