Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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