hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
