Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
