when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
