P.S. I can't hear my feet
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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