just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
