i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
