Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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