this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
