then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm getting married
To pizza
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
