my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He has the fingertips of a God
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