fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
