Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
