No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
