Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Randomize
