just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
you had me at cake vodka
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
