we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
