I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
