Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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