so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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