Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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