She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
