dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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