it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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