I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
