Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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