I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
