I accidentally burped into my bong.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
