I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
