Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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