It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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