He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
