He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
