So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I think my fart just growled at me.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
