it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
