is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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