What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
