oh fat girl friday strikes again...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
