I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I have already put on my inside pants.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
