can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
