you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
