I just gift wrapped bread.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
