Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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