Kareoke will never be a sober sport
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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