wrigley field is MILF paradise
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
