I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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