My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize