I CAN MOONWALK!
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
