If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
