It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
