all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
