You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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