dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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