You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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