the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
