i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
