Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
