I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
