i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Randomize
