my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
