Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
