I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
