Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize