May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize