Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize